i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
