All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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