apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
