I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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