What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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