you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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