Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
