Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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