That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
