sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
