Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
