he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
