I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
