Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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