Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
