Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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