I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
