Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
