my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
