How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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