Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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