dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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