It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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