Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
