So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
