You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
