Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
