Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
