its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dick very happy bro
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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