He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
don't judge my taste in strippers
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
