there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
