On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
