i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
