How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
