I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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