and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
