my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
