if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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