i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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