We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
