Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This is the high leading the old right now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
