My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
