too bad you live with your parents still
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
