I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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