Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No subtext here. People are naked.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize