Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
