I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize