Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
