Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
