Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
