I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
