Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Vodka?
Forever.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
