Your face is a jimmy john
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
