I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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