I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
