tell your sister to shave her snatch
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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