Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
