remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
