I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The best revenge is premature balding
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
