Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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