guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
