You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
