But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
