Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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