aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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