i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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