Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
